London newspaper The Independent recently compiled a list of the 20 best selling video game franchises since the inception of time itself. Using worldwide sales, the list is a testament to how big video games are in the world today. ‘Mario’ comes in at number 1, with 193 million.  One surprise is the ‘James Bond’ franchise, honestly, how did anything but Goldeneye sell well?

1. ‘Mario’: 193 million
Mario – the whore of video games.

2. ‘Pokemon’: 155 million
When the hell is Ash going to get some balls and evolve Pikachu?

3. ‘Final Fantasy’: 68 million
Never been a fan of the Final Fantasy series. Like Victoria Beckham and ingesting food.

4. ‘Madden NFL’: 56 million
EA could stand to never make another video game again and live off the sales of Madden. But that would ruin their plans for world domination.

5. ‘The Sims’: 54 million
I played The Sims once. I burnt down the house cooking dinner. I turned it off when they wouldn’t show my characters having sex.

6. ‘Grand Theft Auto’: 50 million
Who knew killing hookers could be this successful. 

7. ‘Donkey Kong’: 48 million
My cousin was playing Donkey Kong 64 one day, and I remarked how the boss, King K Rool, was a pun on the word ‘cruel.’ He had no idea. Idiot.

8. ‘The Legend of Zelda’: 47 million
Just think, if Gannondorf could remove one platform, Link would be trapped. Then Hyrule would be fucked.

9. ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’: 44 million
Science lesson - Nobody can run as fast as Sonic does. He must be on crack.

10. ‘Gran Turismo’: 44 million
Apparently, the only good feature is getting up to speeds of 200km/h, and then smashing into a wall.

11. ‘Lineage’: 43 million
Korea found something to do after the Vietnam War. Play Lineage.

12. ‘Dragon Quest’: 41 million
I had to do research on Dragon Quest to come up with a joke. At 41 million sales, I shouldn’t have to.

13. ‘Crash Bandicoot’: 34 million
A rabid bandicoot, with help from a floating wooden shaman, attempts to take down a midget doctor hell-bent on destroying the world, by collecting apples found in crates. Right.

14. ‘Resident Evil’: 31 million
No video game has been able to scare me like the Resident Evil series has. Except Superman 64.

15. ‘James Bond’: 30 million
I fail to see how anything but Goldeneye helped propel the ‘James Bond’ franchise into this list.

16. ‘Tomb Raider’: 30 million
Because teenage males just can’t get enough of Lara and her chest puppies.

17. ‘Mega Man’: 26 million
I used to pretend I was Mega Man. I’d wrap a shirt around my arm for his cannon. Don’t look at me like that; you all did the same thing.

18. ‘Command & Conquer’: 25 million
Never played Command and Conquer. So, umm… yeah…

19. ‘Street Fighter’: 25 million
Kylie Minogue and Jean-Claude Van Damme starred in the Street Fighter movie. Critics panned it. Not much to do with the game itself, I just wanted to point out another movie Jean Claude was in bombed.

20. ‘Mortal Kombat’: 20 million
Liu Kang would be positively beaming at 20 million sales. Before he screams like a girl and tries to slap you.

- Aaron Kleemann