Hey, thanks for coming. 360, PS3 and Wii are all here. Unless Sega decides to bring a few more friends, I think we can get this party underway. Welcome all, to this, the 7th generation of gaming. Toilets are round the corner, and make sure you try the punch, I made it myself! Let me introduce our guests:

Xbox 360
Sure, he looks like a walking helipad but don’t doubt him. Took a bit of fire (pun definitely intended) when he first got here, but has since smoothed things out. He has one advantage over everyone else - funky retro games. Says he picks them up from his very own online mode, which I have to say, is paramount to anything else I’ve ever seen. Offering gamer tags, scores, trailers, chat rooms and more, his Live service is quite sensational. Did I mention his contacts? Dead or Alive, Call of Duty, Burnout, Splinter Cell – 360 has everything a hot-blooded male could need. Will certainly hit it off with the guys tonight. But 360 doesn’t offer much depth and is said to be a bit of a copycat.

Have you met his mate? Yeah, that Halo kid. This guy is smothered in respect. He’s got so many phone numbers it’s unbelievable. He says he’s got a new style coming out next year. Yeah, you better believe the world listens when this guy speaks. If 360 wants to win the prizes from the piñata, Halo will need to fire. And it doesn’t help PS3 by grabbing some time with Assassins Creed. Getting to the party hours earlier then PS3 and Wii really gave him a head start. A mature, hardcore man, 360 is a FPS (and not much else) fan’s haven and could shock everyone by the end of the night. Needs to get to know everyone though if he wants to succeed.

Playstation 3
Dominating. Fierce. Insanely popular, just look at all those developers and publishers he’s got hanging off his arm! Speaking his very name gets everybody talking. In fact, he’s been quite the hot topic as of late. Rumours have been flying about how he’s going to hold up through the night. Looking at him now, I can tell you that he looks fantastic. He is, by far, the best-looking bloke here, and some would say most powerful. PS3 can get whatever he wants. Resident Evil 5, Final Fantasy and Metal Gear Solid are just some of the many key women he’s been able to pull.

However, he has a few disadvantages. People say that he costs a fortune to entertain and that he won’t stop talking about his new toy, BluRay. Many people are growing tired of his constant blabbering about “5x picture quality” and that he’s the “future of hi-fi”. Give it a rest already. Plus, he promised Bazza and Olga that he’d come round for Christmas but now he’s telling them he won’t be able to make it until March. But these bad points can’t take away from the fact that he’s still PS3 and he still owns the room. Let’s not give him too many attempts at the piñata tonight.

Nintendo Wii
Here we have Nintendo Wii. Yeah, NES, remember him from the 80s? He’s back and well.. he’s had a bit of a face-lift. Yeah, I thought the exact same thing when I first saw it as well. Before you jump to any conclusions, Wii tells me that his new arm is revolutionary. I’ve had a look at it in action and it looks.. fun. I can use it to play baseball, control a young warrior, manage the Japanese mafia or control a plumber in space. Yeah, it sounds weird but Nintendo has always been like that. And the reaction from the kids at school has been amazing. An outcast last year, Wii is now getting calls non-stop. Even EA and Ubisoft, those jealous guys from Tech crew have shown an interest. And remember all those toys Wii used to bring in from the 80s and 90s, Mario, Donkey Kong and such? Wii has decided to go into mass production of them. Now we can all get our very own copy. But the best news? Wii is cheap. He doesn’t charge much for beer.

Even though his family have been around since the 80s, Wii is the new kid on the block. He’s perceived as unworthy and risky. Sure, everyone can’t stop talking about him now, but will that last all night? Is he just a flavour of the month? Wii doesn’t have the looks or power to get mainstream action. It seems everyone these days is interested in what you’re made of it, not what you can do. But if anyone can get the goods from the piñata, it’s Wii. God knows his unusual arm can take everybody by surprise. Anyway that’s enough about the guests, go enjoy yourself! I hear Atari is upstairs and she’s pretty lonely..

Whoa, what a night! I think I threw up on N-Gage. Hope you had a good night. Did you see that blue hedgehog go nuts about 1am? What a crazy bastard. I don’t really remember much else, who ended up winning the piñata?

- Aaron Kleemann